copa fac e

thoughts

2012-03-17T10:02:00.003+11:00

the world needs jesus.

u knee

2012-03-08T20:02:00.002+11:00

classes start tomorrow

2012-03-04T15:06:00.000+11:00

i am very eager to learn.
i had heavy boots in my last post.

thoughts on :::::::

i am silently on struggle street.

2012-03-02T01:16:00.003+11:00

Year Zero: The Silent Death of Cambodia

2012-02-25T13:42:00.000+11:00

there is a child sitting on a hard, rusty bed. the child can't remember it's age, family, or name. the child is crying without tears, there is hardly enough energy or liquid in the child's body to produce a single drop. the child's eyes are looking in my direction, but the child can't see me. there are flies landing on every single limb of the child's body. help me.. help me... the child tries to voice through slurred moans. the child is a breathing corpse, it's mind has turned into dirt.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-9159164859238659487

FREEDOM
EQUALITY
JUSTICE
PEACE

i'm so attracted to this picture i can't explain it

2012-02-20T22:18:00.002+11:00

1000£bend, nik smiling with his teeth, leah's photography skillz, my cousin, golden locks = a perfect picture that makes my heart happy and sad at the same time. i miss you leah. i miss you nik.

2012-02-19T00:48:00.000+11:00

my timetable

2012-02-18T10:35:00.006+11:00

it's not bad at all! as long as i drive thoroughly fast to church and miss the traffic after my last class on wednesday, things will be ok. i can still go to melbourne straight after classes on friday and have a weekend with leah! (public holidays always fall on mondays, so i can make plenty of trips through that) this is good. positivity. optimism. this is also pretty exciting. and i can hopefully work a good shift at t2 on thursday and saturday. just listen up; yes, i will be tired. yes, i will be less social. yes, i will be crying more. yes, you will hate me at times, but in saying that, will this actually be the case? probably not.

for when i am weak

2012-02-17T23:17:00.004+11:00

then i am strong.

**

2012-02-13T02:21:00.000+11:00

no photograph could show you how magnificent the sky really looked

these words,,

2012-02-12T11:06:00.000+11:00

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

cute humans

2012-02-11T12:10:00.000+11:00

o k

2012-02-09T23:10:00.005+11:00

i'm seeing aphex twin AFX Richard D. JamesssssssSsSSSssssssshjbfubfw on the 2nd of march!!!!!!!!!!!! excitement woah excitement woah lots of excitement. my phone is breaking as i type. i skyped leah (asyoucanseebelow) and i explained a really weird dream i had about her, gloria, the apartment and weirdly dressed humans wearing brightly coloured clothes covering everything but their eyes. basically, i was staying at leah's apartment in lovely yarraville, when all of a sudden there is a knock on the door! these humans are standing there, all sped-up >> everything else turns into slow motion and my rage increases rapidly. these humans are looking through, touching, breaking every single object in the apartment, whilst this is happening, leah and gloria stand around the kitchen table without a single care! I AM YELLING AT THESE HUMANS TO GET OUT OF THE APARTMENT, TO BUGGER OFF, BUT THEY'RE JUST NOT LISTENING! and as i rage and r rr r a aa a a g gg g g e e e e e ee e i wake up feeling extremely stressed.

i am sane now. huh?
here is a nice photograph:

this photographer loves math and incorporates it into her photography. i don't like math but i like the math in these photographs.

january went by really quickly and soon it's going to be march. things are going to be different.. and when i say different i mean good different. CHANGE will grow and grow, i can feel it in my heart. it's that fire! <<<< and i can't even explain what change means to me, how much it's helped me grow.
i am confused.
there are words, thoughts and feelings that i'm trying to articulate, but i have no idea what they're about.
there is so much contrast in this blog post.

,,

i found this the other night,,

“TO THE YOUNG WHO WANT TO DIE
Sit down. Inhale. Exhale.

The gun will wait. The lake will wait.
The tall gall in the small seductive vial
will wait will wait:
will wait a week: will wait through April.
You do not have to die this certain day.
Death will abide, will pamper your postponement.
I assure you death will wait. Death has
a lot of time. Death can
attend to you tomorrow. Or next week. Death is
just down the street; is most obliging neighbor;
can meet you any moment.

You need not die today.
Stay here—through pout or pain or peskyness.
Stay here. See what the news is going to be tomorrow.

Graves grow no green that you can use.
Remember, green’s your color. You are Spring.”

- Gwendolyn Brooks

it is terrific.

HAPPY SMILES

2012-02-09T21:45:00.003+11:00

hi

2012-02-06T22:32:00.000+11:00

RAFAEL LOZANO-HEMMER // R E C O R D E R S

2012-02-06T19:59:00.004+11:00

"in all cases the artwork compiles a database of behaviors that then becomes the artwork itself. in most cases one must participate in order to see or hear an output."

i took a spontaneous trip to the museum of contemporary art to see rafael lozano-hemmer's exhibition 'recorders'. the last time i visited the mca, i was still in school. metal scaffolding and piles of dirt had overtaken the front-door aesthetic, throwing me completely off guard. how was i meant to get inside the gallery?! (sometimes i can be slightly stupid, thank goodness i can read signs).

as a newbie to sculpture, installation & performance, this exhibition really blew my mind. the human interaction with each artwork sprung new ideas into my mind {ideas so vivid that they came to life as i'd pass a blank wall}.

please excuse my horrible phone quality photographs.

there was one particular artwork that required you to record your voice by pressing a button, your voice would then proceed to light up a tube placed horizontally on the wall. the light would flash to what you recorded and the previous recordings would repeat after each other. i recorded myself saying 'my name is eugene choi', and 'jesus is the light of your world'.

i have a best friend

2012-02-03T19:50:00.007+11:00

her name is leah.

love confession #1029848457845. you are a star in my life.

self-shot idiots

2012-01-29T14:44:00.003+11:00

i am a full-time uni student!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-25T13:24:00.003+11:00

i enrolled today. i saw a lot of interesting people. i want to be friends with them all... and i have a crush on mikhaela. i also took a naughty photograph of leah, but i won't post it here.

sporadic inspiration

2012-01-23T23:52:00.002+11:00

i have been radically inspired by gwen stefani's style from the 90's. i stumbled across a photograph of her wearing dark lipstick, kooky hair and a jewel bindi stuck between her eyebrows - i was in complete awe. i look no where near as cool as her, but in the time-span of ten minutes i managed to find a bindi, two velvet scrunchies and some dark make-up. HELLO DEFINED EYEBROWS! you make me look weird.

MY HAIR IS AMAZE.

57902478991

2012-01-23T12:30:00.002+11:00

i just sort of sit here on my knees thinking about the books that i have to read and the films that i need to watch but you're always on my mind and so is the scent of your favourite tea and my favourite tea and how so many people are missing out on great opportunities. i'm still concerned with the way i look and the way i talk and the way i think ,,,,,,,,,but who isn't? ?

i don't know what's going on in the world, nor do i want to look it up on the internet, i'm trying to ignore the fact that everything is so accessible and how people depend on false security and cheaters and liars. it's all right in front of you, it's in the ocean and it's in the stars.

philippians 4:6-7

2012-01-23T09:56:00.002+11:00

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

**

2012-01-21T23:56:00.006+11:00

things

2012-01-21T01:09:00.004+11:00

it's the 21st of january, 1:08am. i just got home from a divine evening with little ali from melbourne and a bunch of delicious girls at the marojevic apartment.

i feel that life has been more organized since purchasing my soft-cover moleskin diary. i've been noting down every important (and not so important) detail of each day... mostly because i want to remember the little things in life. today i had my first migraine of the year *note: 20th of january. eugene gets her first migraine. symptoms; the usual. aura, nausea, stiff muscles, pain in the temple, vomiting, sleeping, crying, warped depth-perception & overall fuzziness. [time is going by in a pace that i'm str uggli ng to keep up with.]

90's prep #2

2012-01-18T16:04:00.002+11:00

it is extremely hot & and i don't know how i managed to blink in this photograph. you can see the sweat on my face as well as an overload of denim on the floor. i think i'm going to wear chokers from now on.

it's a funny thing, the internet

2012-01-16T23:30:00.008+11:00

i remember the day i discovered the wonderful world of ~le internet. - wifi was unheard of, the dial-up tone was all that i knew, i anticipated buying my neopets food instead of scrolling through tumblr, i'd mindlessly chat to real-life and/or online friends on msn messenger, and of course, i'd ask too many embarrassing questions to the helpful parent, google. it's shocking to think about the amount of {time} i wasted (and still am wasting) on the internet. i can say with all honesty that at the age of ten, this addictive system became a significant part of my life. it wasn't my fault, it wasn't anybody's fault... we are the generation of the i n t e r n e t. some may say that i used it a bit too much (i'd say that i was, like many others, a sad&lonely child in search of a different reality, a place where anything could be turned into how you wanted it) all you had to do was click the edit or delete button.

this blog post is going to expand when i have the time, i want to write about my online ~p 3 r s 0 n a~ (it will take a long long lognorngrgijrg time) although due to my ridiculous online privateness, i'm certain that no one will even read it. who reads my posts anyway? no one really knows this exists.

90s prep; oooooh boiii

2012-01-16T22:56:00.001+11:00

**

2012-01-16T13:40:00.006+11:00

biggest lady crush

2012-01-16T03:16:00.000+11:00

i think i just like humans who look like this. her accent is also cute. {character crush}

it's the nuu yrrr

2012-01-08T16:23:00.003+11:00

woahwoaheohaoehoshdesfuhrigjerlg hey 2012!
* i started the new year watching the sunrise with my nikdarlin, hanging out with lovely chumps, going to church and thanking god for every single good thing in the universe that we live in. i was also slightly delirious.
* i got an offer for university. in the next three years i will be studying at sca {sydney college of the arts} majoring in sculpture/installation & performance art. i am a freaking art college student.
* i am seeing the picasso exhibition on wednesday.
* leah is my best friend and we are getting tattoos before she goes back to melbourne. we're not too sure what we're getting yet. she spoils me and i spoil her. my heart smiles at the fact that her hair is naturally dread-locking.
* my hair is growing longer as each week goes by.
* one of my goals this year is to lead a connect group of young girls.
* i am going to eat healthy/read more books/create more artworks/the usual goals i set myself each year.
* vanilla and i are penpals. she is moving back to perth.
* that's all so far.
* oh,
* i'm purchasing a diary tomorrow so my life will be really organized this year.

frick, i miss new zealand

2012-01-07T00:44:00.006+11:00

nz dec '10

and he may not care

2012-01-06T17:05:00.005+11:00

he offers a handshake
crooked
five fingers
they form a pattern
yet to be matched

on the surface simplicity
but the darkest pit in me
it's pagan poetry
p ag an poetr y

it's rare that i will be back at home before the night is over

2011-12-31T00:46:00.002+11:00

my room is a nest, a fortress i have built up with a profuse amount of books, tea, clothing, art, drawings, candles and dried roses (don't forget the incense and the load of crap that ends up covering every piece of furniture in my room). i look at my desk and there is a half eaten apple, a haruki murakami novel, sparkly nail polish, at least five sketch books stacked into two piles, a mug that has accidentally been super-glued to the surface, a digital alarm clock from the 80s, a tea scoop, a tube of maroon acrylic paint, a brown pouch carrying new zealand coins, an ink pad, lowercase letter stamps, raw cacao from the organic store in melbourne, a bowl of finished ice-cream from last night, three old jars, pencils, post-it notes, a sharpener, letters, a photo frame with a photograph of leah and i and some nail clippers. that's only my desk... and it's the neatest thing in my room.

basically, i love coming home to it.
that was the point of this post.

insight

2011-12-29T11:49:00.001+11:00

naps/hearing about your rebellious past/teeth/butterfly and moth identification charts/dark rooms/light rooms/no sleep/too much sleep/human/being/”i don’t mind”/nervous arm clutching/avocado/ocean/awake early/black hair/n e b u l a/draw/church/sew/smooth traffic/sleeping on the way home/e.e cummings/scars/elephant/houses/”don’t touch me”/black lips black nails/book/NASA/you playing me the piano/walking/black on white/space dust/clavicles/laying in bed/resting in Him/the stars/pulling myself together/airports/planets/high fives/eyeball/messy/Scandinavia/cutting cardboard/nik karlin/fidgeting/the royal family/90s/recycle/memory/nice hands/11:11 conspiracy theories/marojević/whales frighten/pleat/trusting people with glasses/libraries/Marc Chagall/Egon Schiele/luella/pupils dilate/warm pavement for bare feet/long hair on a male/cats/tea/"the art of brewing"/charcoal/wearing your clothes/mail in the post/’to do’ lists/roses and roses only/ripped stockings/slinkies/vegetable/films that make me cry/monocles/murderers on Wikipedia/eternal sunshine of the spotless mind/night activities/bonding over books/scribbling/mustache/shoulders/vein/coloured pencils/clichés/people sneezing/piano accordions/e-mail/eternity/brown paper bags/rubix cube geniuses/inside voice/accents/Chopin/post-it notes/watching/listening/learning///////

i like the night sky

2011-12-29T11:23:00.012+11:00

for too long my nails were black. i then discovered sparkles, and now my nails have stars on them. i also have a ring that depicts the night sky. nik gave it to me for christmas.

2011-12-28T14:36:00.004+11:00

christmas

2011-12-26T16:03:00.004+11:00

so lovely, so joyful, so great.

*

2011-12-26T14:09:00.000+11:00

he's the beautiful-lest
fragilest
still strong
dark and divine
and the littleness of his movements
hides himself
he invents a charm that makes him invisible
hides in the air
can i hide there too?
hide in the air of him
seek solace
sanctuary

2011-12-22T09:56:00.003+11:00

remember

2011-12-20T10:56:00.000+11:00

t2, and other things

2011-12-20T10:31:00.000+11:00

ah, i'm truly blessed to be working at t2. i love everything about it, the atmosphere, the people, the tea. our warringah mall team is special, i could honestly say that we all just love each other.
i have been sensitive this past week.
i think it's because christmas is so soon. don't get me wrong, i'm really excited, but this time of year use to be hell for me.
i'm really excited for christmas.
see?
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
i don't know why i'm entering so much.
there is no point in this blog.
this happens when i pretend to have nothing to do.
i'm watching incense burn.
it smells nice.
the plumber is coming today. something happened to one of our pipes.
i'm waiting for leah to wake up.
i wish i were a male so that i didn't have to wear a top at home.
i also like female sideburns and bushy eyebrows.
(the second you walked away and i buried my face in my hands)
(feelings too intense and bewildering to deal with made silent by their subjects presence in the room with me)
(i really need to edit my walls)
i want a bagel.

i use to have these quotes on my walls

2011-12-18T14:35:00.006+11:00

"i have never felt the urge to jump off a bridge
but there are times i have wanted to jump
out of my life,
out of my skin." - unknown

"Somewhere someone is thinking of you. Someone is calling you an angel. This person is using celestial colors to paint your image. Someone is making you into a vision so beautiful that it can only live in the mind. Someone is thinking of the way your breath escapes your lips when you are touched. How your eyes close and your jaw tightens with concentration as you give pleasure a home. These thoughts are saving a life somewhere right now. In some airless apartment on a dark, urine stained, whore lined street, someone is calling out to you silently and you are answering without even being there. So crystalline. So pure. Such life saving power when you smile. You will never know how you have cauterized my wounds. So sad that we will never touch. How it hurts me to know that I will never be able to give you everything I have." - henry rollins

"Don’t touch me, I’ll die if you touch me." - humbert, lolita

"The sadness will last forever." - vincent van gogh

"She let out a laugh, and then she put her hand over her mouth, like she was angry at herself for forgetting her sadness." - extremely loud and incredibly close, by jonathan safran foer

AHHHHHHHHH

2011-12-17T10:55:00.000+11:00

GOD IS SO GOOD! GOD IS SO GOOD! G O D I S S O G O O D !

text art/poems

2011-12-16T10:46:00.001+11:00

2011-12-16T09:59:00.001+11:00

i'm just watching the smoke dancing in the air forming into your body there are ripples it's like a third dimension i can't see through the fog my lungs are filling up so i can hardly breathe i ask you "can your body do more than just ripple" you say "my body is like an ocean i often drown in my own waves others see it as a beautiful thing but no, no , no no it's not a beautiful thing, no ,, it's not"

2011-12-13T08:15:00.002+11:00

i need jelly shoes

a word from a friend

2011-12-13T00:50:00.001+11:00

there is a storm. it's raging around me. god calms the storm. he places beautiful robes on me. silk robes. layer after layer. there is a wound inside of me. it's the storm in a bottle. it's still raging. no one can see it. but god can see it. he tells me that he loves me. he continues placing beautiful robes on me. he tells me that he loves me. i don't have to worry.

i have bruises all over my legs

2011-12-11T15:05:00.000+11:00

not really, but i do have an abundance of bruise-like marks all over my legs - thanks to the irresistibly sweet blood that flows in my veins. i was attacked by vicious mosquito-esque bugs and i am now too self conscious to show my legs in public (thank goodness for stockings). either way, this is a pointless post, as are all of my other posts.

i remember when i was in year seven, i was attacked in a similar way, but everyone thought i was beat up because my legs actually looked bruised.

...anyway.

angel

2011-12-11T11:22:00.000+11:00

2011-12-09T06:48:00.000+11:00

"don't worry, your family is coming."

2011-12-06T10:04:00.001+11:00

my hair is growing and i don't have a nose!!!!!!!!

i might as well change my url to 'huge is eug' because it rhymes...

2011-12-06T08:36:00.003+11:00

this post is dedicated to a certain someone who's name begins with the letter L.
this precious human being is not very internet savvy. she most certainly knows this, but will still try to enter into this surreal, technological world with her un-squared eyes and an unfamiliarity of certain phrases and trends like 'forever alone' and cat memes. i feel like i'm partly to blame as i have strong influence over her internet life, often telling her stories about the weird and exciting experiences i have had online over the past nine years (and i'm sure she's yearning for the same experiences). basically, i made her fall in love with a man she met on chatroulette. (it's ok, i did as well. it lasted two weeks. we bonded over bad tattoos and cannibal murderers on wikipedia. this has happened more than once). remember that silly website? yeah, never again...

I'M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW THAT I THINK YOUR BLOG IS FANTASTIC. FROM MY BLOG TO YOUR BLOG. BLOG LOVE.

hyperextended arms

2011-12-03T11:26:00.002+11:00

how creepy does that look? why am i so creepy? *creepy. the word creepy sounds weird now. here's another fun fact: my fingers are also hyperextended...

in conclusion; i am an alien.

the sun is burning my eyes

2011-12-02T23:09:00.001+11:00

-------------,
-----------------------
----.
-----------------------------------.
-------------------------------
------------------------,
---------------.

but then i declare his name, i remember that he loves me.
i think of everyone that he has surrounded me by,
their faces are all so different.
nothing ever felt like this
and
the stars will always remind me.

i look at the clouds
and my eyes
are no longer burning.

body

2011-12-02T12:16:00.003+11:00

"Body."
beautiful words, beautiful imagery.

this was made by a man who could have potentially married my best friend leah. it's a funny story, really. long story short, why do men write to you and then never reply? (hehe)
when you watch this video, just imagine leah whispering in your ear "that's me", "they're my sheets", "this is about me", "stunning", "beautiful", "MARRY ME!".

that will distract you from really appreciating it, so i suggest you watch it again.

on another note, leah is in town and i have seen her everyday. this will probably be the case for every other day.

"once upon eight years ago... a stuck up little leah immigrated to australia. she waltzed into covenant christian school and told you to "shut up". but it wasn't too long before this unlikely couple had their first date in st ives shopping centre... eating asian foods and causing rowdy rudeness in shoe shops... from this moment, the pair remained dear friends. however, just when they thought their love could extend no further... their minds exploded in intensified love in the year of 2008... Jesus united the two in an unbreakable sisterhood bond. laughter followed the young ladies wherever they went... to school, home, church, new zealand, the car, the shops, papas, facebook and to melbourne. such a love has not been seen in such a way... these two are sure to change the face of love beyond the love the world knows. it has been a wonderful journey so far... but this love is about to take a new level in the world of adulthood. THE END BEGINNING."

written by leah marojević for my eighteenth birthday. (just one of the many notes she wrote to me.)

2011-12-01T00:04:00.002+11:00

cute, ain't we? {photo by alex carlyle}

it's the little things.
it's the little things.
it's the little things.

i have given fifty births.

2011-11-30T13:52:00.001+11:00

not legitimately, but it sure does feel like it...
this long, thrilling month has been an intense art-making, self-doubting, adrenalin-rushing, sleep-depriving, emotion-messing month. being a perfectionist is stressful enough, putting together a portfolio for an important university interview has left me feeling like the air has been sucked out of my lungs. it doesn't seem that big of a deal (i probably made it out that way) and perhaps i didn't show how grueling the process was, but i am just thankful it's over. all is well, i will feel normal after today. it's interesting seeing what i was able to conjure up through this pressure, though. developing whole new styles of my art practice with the use of different mediums in fear that my work would not be enough... was ridiculous and brilliant at the same time. i find out my university fate on the fourth of january, exciting! in the meantime, i will be reading books that i have been planning to read all year but somehow did not find the time.

art-making is love-making.

2011-11-29T21:24:00.000+11:00

p u r e

it all comes down to this:
give your life to him, he will set you free.

i'm going to start using this, forreal.

2011-11-29T21:05:00.000+11:00

i don't even know how long it's been since i last blogged or journalized properly on the internet. i use to throw my thoughts online for everyone to read, without thinking twice. they were so dark back then, i can't even fathom the negativity that overtook my mind... it was horrible. things are so different now. i have a purpose, i have love, i have faith. i guess i'll just use this because i've missed blogging... and everyone uses tumblr. he he.

first.

2011-07-22T21:12:00.001+10:00

i don't know why i created this.